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By Tanya M. Wilson

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For many years I lived life wondering:

‘Why people came to me with everything?’

‘Why was I in charge of everything?’

While visiting one of my favorite book stores, on a day that I was frustrated with most things, I spotted a book entitled “Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.” After reading the book, I wondered why it took a book to bring me to my senses. The truth wasn’t that the book brought me to my senses; it was that my experiences prepared me for the book.

Addictions can be extremely challenging to overcome and can lead to problems that stifle one’s ability to live the life for which they were intended. I began to realize that I was addicted to solving people’s problems. If they could just get to me, everything would magically disappear.

Isn’t life about helping others? Absolutely! However, not at the sacrifice of yourself or your family. Boundaries allow us to thrive instead of simply survive. Boundaries allow us to not only help others in a way that is meaningful, but to take care of ourselves and our dreams as well. It is wonderful to be available for others in areas that you can, but we must be careful of the assistance we provide. When I was on auto-help, I could have possibly blocked that individual’s life lesson. If I always jumped in and paid the bill, the lesson of being a good steward over money could have been delayed. If I quickly offered my version of counsel, I could have prevented them from turning to where the best Counsel is found.

Helping others is one of the things that give me the most joy. I look forward to being a blessing to someone daily. The difference now is that I stop and seek the counsel of the One that knows before heading in the direction of my own decisions. Remember, if you give a person a fish dinner, it will only last until they finish eating, but if you take them out with you, and teach them how to bait the hook and fish, they will eat for a lifetime.

Tanya Wilson is a Charlotte-based inspirational speaker. Reach her at or friend her on Facebook.