20. Why do some saints find a corner and face the wall to get their shout on for about ten minutes?
19. What are the requirements to become a “church nurse”? Is there “church nurse” school? Other than holding white sheets and forming a circle around people who are filled with the Holy Spirit, what are the duties of the “church nurse?”
18. Does anyone else secretly want to see that over zealous choir director who bounces around, well…fall just one good time so he or she will cut it out and just direct the choir without all the acrobatics?
17. What is an auxiliary board?
16. Does anyone else other than me feel some sort of way when people “save” seats in church for their friends who are already like an hour late? It is not cool to sit your purse, bible and concordance on the next three seats when there are a bunch of people looking for a place to park their bottoms!
15. Where are all the people who bum rush out of church before the benediction really going? Are they trying to make sure they get a seat at Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles?
14. Does anyone else have a church with the one token white person in the choir who over exaggerates to stay on rhythm?
13. Why doesn’t the vending machine in the hallway ever work? I’m hungry after church…shucks.
12. Why does everyone turn and look (with some irritation) at the woman who is trying to quiet the baby up? It really isn’t nice to mean mug a woman with a baby…I’m just sayin’.
11. Does anyone else get nervous that the person the pastor lays hands on won’t fall out and the people standing behind them won’t have anything to do because they can’t catch him, since he didn’t like you know…pass out?
10. Have you ever passed out from having hands laid on you? I haven’t. Just wondering what it’s like.
9. Is there a reason the best reader can’t read the announcements instead of sister so and so who well…can’t pronounce words properly?
8. Has anyone ever tried to sell you Mary Kay products during video announcements? It happened to me.
7. Has anyone else’s church bulletin abbreviated Bible Study as B.S.? Something’s not quite right about that.
6. Where do the band members go after praise and worship? Like how come I never see them sitting in the pews? Are they on intermission or something?
5. How come the same kid of certain members get to lead the children’s choir?
4. Should celebrities who show up late really be escorted to a seat right up front?
3. Are mega churches kinda played out?
2. How do you respond to people who tell you “The Lord told me to tell you…?”
1. Is anyone else disappointed when you invite someone to church with you only to find out the pastor is out of town and the woman who reads the church announcements is going to get her shot in the pulpit? You know it’s gonna be a long day at church and your friend probably ain’t ever coming to visit again.
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