I must say that last week was one of the hardest weeks in my life from an emotional stand point. Our topics for the last few weeks were on faith, disobedience, and resisting temptation. It seemed as though God put me through all that to see if I could practice what I preach. Everything in me knew it was a test, but my days last week just got harder and harder. By Friday I was to the point where it was too hard to pray and it seemed as though my biggest enemy was God Himself. I remember sitting staring aimlessly into the sky wondering “What’s really going on?” I remember hearing God say “Trust me.”
I wish I could write: “At that very moment, I cast all my worries aside and trust God for all that He can do in my life”
But no, the story didn’t quite go that way.
Actually, I did suck it up and reluctantly said “Ok God, I trust you,” but I had the tone of a skeptic. The week’s events clouded everything that God has done for me and was doing for me in my life. I couldn’t see past my dwindling bank account. I couldn’t see past the road blocks I kept running into with this month’s Jesus Cousin outreach, nor could I see past the stress I was enduring working with the kids. Really, I couldn’t see past myself. Yet, I still “trusted.”
Going into the weekend, I was due in Atlanta for a private performance for an A&R. The week took a toll on me and by the time I was supposed to leave, I didn’t want to go. I was exhausted. I had no fight left in me. Then I heard God again saying “Trust me.” By this time God is all I had to hold on to. By this time he was my only hope. I gathered myself, prayed, and went.
It poured raining the whole time. I wanted to turn back, but I kept going. Finally I arrived and performed. The show went well and I impressed the A&R. The trip was worth it.
I believe Satan was doing his best to keep me from receiving my blessing. I believe God allowed it just to see if I could be pushed to a point where I would give up on him. I withstood the test just as Job did.
Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
I couldn’t have gotten through this last week without God. I trusted God to protect me, guide me, and keep me sane. Last week, I would have truly lost my mind if I did not trust him. Don’t ever give up on God because he will not give up on you. Every promise he has made to you, he will fulfill them. Trust him and know that He is God and God all by himself.
DJuana “Dfitz” Fitzpatrick is founder of Jesus C.O.U.sins (Christians Overcoming Ugly Sins). For the past five years, Fitzpatrick has devoted her life to being a positive reflection of a Christ in the entertainment industry. Read more of her work and see her videos on her website.
